Another Chance

So today is Oct 2nd. And I am a day late starting, forgive me. I was away all day yesterday and most of today and was afraid I had missed my chance but here I am and although I might not get as much done as many I will still fight my way through to get as much done as I can this year. I have no theme or idea what I am doing but this is my outlet so I will just forge ahead and if you follow great if not, good luck on your endeavors. Feel free to leave comments and lead me to your links as well. Ok so.  It was a busy weekend. Between an information meeting Friday night and then a memorial and a symposium Saturday and church today, yes, today is still Sunday whew lol. A little bit about me, I am 42 and have FASD and ADHD and depression so half the time my brain isn't working and the other half it's half working so staying in a straight line can be difficult for me but I will try lol.I guess I just keep adding the new days links to my landing page or main blog on here? I'm still trying to figure that out so that's how I will do it for now.  Todays message at church was actually a great encouragement. The symposium yesterday was a meeting of christians and muslims, it was at a local mosque here in the city and the topic was salvation, discussed from both a christian and muslim viewpoint. It was interesting to hear for sure. Personally, in terms of debate I considered it rather weak. But I have to remind myself that debate wasn't really the point. The main focus was that with the forum we got the chance to get the gospel preached to some muslim people that otherwise might not have had the opportunity to hear it, and we got to do it on their grounds, in their place of worship. As far as I know it's a first for Calgary? I have talked to many people and debated many topics in various religions but youtube videos are alot different than in person. And I wasn't involved I just sat back and watched and listened and took notes. But the message this morning was given by the man that came from Toronto to give the christian representation in the symposium. And part of that was about persecution. It brought me back to my youtube days and of all the discussions and debates I have had with atheists and muslims and the reactions I recieved from various groups of people. I've been called every name in the book, and a few new ones. I've had videos made mocking me and degrading me, I've been virtually spat on and threatened, and harrassed in real life because of that. Some of the things at the time shocked me and some downright disgusted me and offended me. Looking back I can see just with a better perspective how that hate of me was not of me but of the God I spoke of, the God I brought with me. Somewhere along the line I lost my confidence and stopped doing the videos and I didn't realise just how God had been using that venue in youtube. I was surprised to see just how many people the whole thing was completely new to as well.  Alot of the information given over the weekend I already knew from my youtube days and dealings, but I discovered many did not know some of these things. We tend to get caught up in our own little bubble with blinders on. We believe what we are taught and what we know is right but we have no clue as to what others really believe, only that they do not believe as us. It is important to get out of our comfort zone. I mean, we can't stay in a closet and hide and expect the message to get out there, if we don't do it how can we assume that others will? And, it's not our light to hide we are just vessels.Anyways I'm going off track. I just found it encouraging and it confirmed to me that I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing and it is awesome how God uses us to get His message out there in spite of ourselves.He also talked about salt and light which I found fascinating. I might share that tomorrow if I remember. But at least now I have a starting point for this year and we'll see if I make it past the 8 days of last year LOL. 

Welcome to 31 Days of Being Me

31 days of commitment to blogging every day. This is where I begin. I'm not a pro blogger, I have no fancy words or format. Last year I made it 8 days. This year I will do better. I'll still do random topics, I have no theme or set line to follow again. But that's ok. One foot in front of the other. Welcome to my crazy life, well, at least 31 days of it. Transparency and honesty are core here. I don't have a specific audience in mind, but for whoever lands on my pages, my prayer is that at least one of my posts will leave you inspired or thoughtful.  Links will be posted for each separate article to this post so you can find them all easily right here.  Feel free to comment, give advice, share your own 31 day links. I'm looking forward to sharing with you all and seeing what everyone has to offer. Thanks for following me, and enjoy. ~Chelle~ 

Day 1-  Another Chance

Day 2 -   In The News

Day 3 - Distracted

Day 4 -        Oops

Day 8: A Piece of the Puzzle

    Well I am so far behind I don't think I'll ever catch up, but I will still write through the 31 days and make as many posts as I can. I was away for 4 days and have hurt my back pretty bad so sitting is very painful for me and I won't be writing much for a few more days but I did want to continue with a part of fitting in and belonging.
     I was able to visit with some family this week, and learned my understanding of where my name comes from isn't the same as I remembered it or was told. Turns out, my mother was married, for less than 6 months and the man she was married to is where we got our last name. She just never changed it back legally after they split. And I was even able to put a face to the name. It makes me glad to know this small detail, it kind of means alot to me in my struggle to know my life. 
  And this weekend, we drove up to Edmonton so my daughter could visit with her grandma on her dad's side and see family there. I didn't make any plans, I had no idea what I was going to do really, but God worked it out. I got to see not one but three of my sisters and one of my brothers and have turkey dinner with 2 of them, so that was great. And I went out to visit more family and have thanksgiving dinner with them. What a blessing! I learned some good news and some not so good news about some family, but the most important thing for me is being able to see them, and a couple friends I haven't been able to see in such a long time.
      I didn't know if I made it home driving that far, but I pushed through despite the pain and made it home safe. Now I am immobile and wondering just how to get to the doctors since I can't walk and I am scared to go alone or drive. But for now I will rest some more because sitting in this chair is too hard to bear.

Day 7: Belonging

       I was worried about this challenge. Like I said, so many accomplished writers, so many great articles. I try not to write for others because then I just worry about whether I'm as good as some. But I do have to say this is great, stepping out of your comfort zone, and finding there is a whole community of people that have the same fears and worries as I do about writing. People that have a common interest and it's good to see people come together to share and support each other despite their differences, and so many writing styles. To be able to pick a topic and stick to it for a whole month, with things like cooking, knitting, family, faith, you name it, so many talents to learn and share!
Bear with me if I repeat myself, sometimes I have trouble getting my thoughts straightened out and I tend to say the same things over and over again lol.
       So where was I? Oh yes, I missed a day and was trying to catch up, and my mind has changed on topics so many times I've lost count. So I'll do this today, because it sort of ties into community. 
Being a part of something is great. At some level, everyone wants to feel like they fit in or belong, it's just in our nature.
  I'll be honest, I spent a huge portion of my life feeling like I didn't fit in or belong anywhere.  A bit of background to explain that. I grew up under social services, so I lived in foster homes, group homes, receiving homes, hospitals, centers, you name it. In the space of 14 years (not counting the 3 years I went back home to live with my birth mom from grade 2 to grade 5), I lived in a total of over 150 placements. A couple of them were repeats, but yes I was moved over 150 times. I lived all over Central Alberta pretty much. I did the math, it works out to an average of 34 days per placement. Some I stayed much less, some I stayed longer. The longest I was in one place was a year and a half. I have two amazing wonderful loving foster families that I have known for most of my life, and they have become as much family to me as my birth family, sometimes more-so. But I was never officially adopted. So yeah, you can just imagine it was difficult to say the least feeling like I didn't ever really belong anywhere. Sometimes I still struggle with it. My father was non existent, I never knew him. I know the man that my mother claimed to be my father, based on him being around when I was born. But with 7 kids and at least 5 different fathers that I know of, it's not a stretch to say we can't be sure he was around when I was conceived. I met him once, for all of 5 minutes when I was 18. I was living in Edmonton at the time and he had another family in Calgary. He mentioned the only way to know for sure was to get a paternity test. Back then I think it was like $500, wayyyyy too much for me to afford at the time. I was torn. As much as I felt I needed to know who I was I also didn't see the point in knowing if my father was some guy I never knew who had a whole other family in another city and didn't seem to want anything much to do with me anyways. It'd be like just another "placement". So I never got it done and I never really talked to him after that. My mom would always say "you should call your dad".... I'd just avoid that. It bothered me alot later on, feeling like I didn't know who I was, because I started thinking about my name and the fact that I don't even really know where or WHO it came from. One of my sisters fathers, my mom never married, but she just stole the name and attached it to half of us kids. So my name isn't even me at all. 
       And if not knowing my earthly identity has taught me one thing, it's that I am grateful for the opportunity it has given me to be completely my own person. Who I am isn't shaped by the family tree, as messed up as it is lol.
And living in sooooo many places has let me meet so many great people, that later on I find are all somehow connected and THAT is scary but that's another story for another time lol.
 But the whole point of saying all this is just to say that being a part of a great community, a group of people, having something to belong to and that can make you feel like you can contribute, it's a great thing, take advantage of it, enjoy it, be blessed by it. You never know who might come along that needs a place to belong, so bless someone else by it, I know it has blessed me so far  :D 

Day 6: F.E.A.R.

       There's a saying that goes "fear has 2 meanings, either forget everything and run, or face everything and rise". I spent a long time doing the first and have been trying more lately to do the latter. I've been afraid of failure and I've been afraid of success. Neither has served any good purpose and I doubt it ever will. When we put our trust in God, we have no need to fear because we know that He has everything under control.  Isaiah 41:10 says “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
       I was afraid to stop working because as much as I  thought it was what I should do, I wasn't sure financially it was wise. At a time when many people are losing their jobs and facing crisis, here I am just quitting. I thought I must look crazy to some people lol. I mean, I had just gotten a car and insurance and house insurance, and bought new furniture, and committed to more monthly bills than I had income. And I wondered if I really knew what I was doing. Truth is, I don't. I don't have a plan yet either. But I was given two reminders that confirmed it was what I needed to do. The first was when I started to worry about money thinking I'd have to trim some things down, and I wasn't sure if I could pay for my daughter the things she wanted to do. Like her band class in school, which is after classes, and the school didn't have any instruments so they told me I'd have to rent my own. That cost 3 times what I would have paid through the school, and someone stepped in and covered the whole cost. You probably won't read this but if you do, you know who you are, and you really were an answer to prayer. My girl was ready to give up her music class because she knew it was a huge cost for me, and I felt absolutely horrible that I couldn't give that to her. Just know that your gift doesn't go unnoticed or appreciated and won't be forgotten!
        The second was just a reassurance that God will take care of us, as He has always done, as He always will. I worked very hard to save what I did and that will carry us through and if the things we have planned to do is what He wants us to do then He will make it happen.
      Face everything and rise.  Hiding my fears makes it easier to use them as a crutch or an excuse. The best way to clean out the dirt in the corners is to shine the light there, right?