Day 5: Transparency

         I saw a post from one of the 31 day bloggers that said something about having a private blog, not sharing it with real life people, those they know personally, it can be embarrassing to bare yourself and know that people you know are reading your thoughts. I thought it wouldn't make a difference, but thinking about it some more, I realized she was right. I have friends that are online that I have never met, many who live across the sea, that I have never met and most likely might never get the chance to meet this side of eternity. It feels alot different with those that know and have met me personally though. We tend to keep ourselves private for fear of failure, fear of success, and fear of exposure. Exposure means vulnerability, and that means an open line to being hurt or taken advantage of. I have experienced that many times, with friends who have taken what I've shared with them and using it against me, betrayed me, and caused me to lose people in my life I care about and love. That can be a huge hindrance to being open and sharing.
        I know I am not alone in that, it is an age old thing. Psalms 56:2-4 says "

My slanderers pursue me all day long; many are attacking me in their pride. 

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. 

 In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?"

I write mostly just for myself, sometimes to vent, sometimes, to get my thoughts straightened out. I never felt like I had much to offer in the way of instruction or teaching or encouragement.  I looked at many others blogs, and they come from established writers, preachers, teachers. I'm not educated or elequent in my words. I probably offend many people with what I say sometimes because I am black and white, can be unrelenting or unwavering, and unapologetic. So I don't expect alot to get or even care what I say and most times that's just fine with me. I never had the confidence that I had wisdom to offer others, again, coming from comparing myself to others, what is WITH that?! So in doing this 31 day challenge I am stepping out of my comfort zone and learning how to say, yes I have something to offer, I have my own thoughts and opinions and I speak from personal experience to back it up. It isn't all just book knowledge, I don't care to just take other people's words. Everything I write or share or say to me is personal, it really is. And if even one of my experiences, no matter how hard or horrible or embarrassing or silly, can help one other person to not feel alone or to know that someone out there "gets it", then it's worth it. All the naysayers and tomato throwers won't really change that. 

  Today I talk about transparency, tomorrow I will BE transparent, I just got a bit sidetracked that's all lol. 

  Who am I trying to impress anyways? Certainly not those who think they're better than me!

Did you know that the fear of trusting others is an actual phobia? I just leaned that!  ''Pistanthrophobia'' is the common fear of trusting people due to past experiences with relationships gone bad.
If you do some research there is literally a phobia for everything and condition in this planet. You name it, someone is afraid of it. I know I could attach this term to myself and with my past and the things I have experienced and endured, it would be perfectly acceptable and reasonable. But I would much rather trust in the bigger picture that God has than in my limited view of people based on my past. 

One of my favorite verses is 2 Timothy 1:7  "For God hath not given us the 

spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."  I found this a great verse to remember at times I was literally paralyzed by fear, times when I felt like I couldn't focus or think straight, times when I felt I was going absolutely insane. Another one I just found is Romans 8:15  " For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father". 

One day at a time. It's all we can do because really, it's all we have. Sometimes, just one hour at a time. And that's okay. I find taking it one day or even one hour at a time helps me to not be afraid because I can focus on trusting that God is in control.
If I trust in man, I can see fear and failure every where I turn, But if I trust in God, really trust Him, and am honest, He has never let me down. He is always faithful, even when we aren't.